Dortmund shed hipster tag

Dortmund exploded onto the mainstream football vocabulary last week, casting doubt on their role as the hipster team of choice for discerning football fans.

A standing section that holds fans for as little as €12 a game, an eccentric and loyal young manager, constant suppression by a more financially powerful rival, young and local players, fluid and attractive football and playing in the world’s most happening league means Dortmund were quite rightly the most obvious (and successful) hipster team of choice over the last five seasons.

Dortmund have won two Bundesliga titles in the last three years and also claimed two German cups in this time. Of the team that beat Real last week, the two oldest outfield players, Łukasz Piszczek and Jakub Błaszczykowski  are 27 years of age, suggesting that this team can progress and become even more expansive.

However, the demolition of Real Madrid at the Westfalenstadion last Wednesday, has thrust Dortmund into the conscious of the mainstream media (especially Jamie Redknapp) and in the eternal hipster paradox, once something becomes popular, it is surely time to move on. Under-performing should be a pre-requisite of any hipster football team, and it is clear that Dortmund have been over-indulging in footballing success.

It is easy to forget that 12 years previously Dortmund were as guilty as Bayern are now in splashing the cash to compete in the German league. The Borussians spent €28.6 million on Nicolas Amoroso in 2001, a move which won them the title, but almost bankrupted the club by 2003. In fact Dortmund were reliant on a €2 million loan from Bayern to fund their own payroll, the financial situation was so dire.

It is hard to know whether almost bankrupting your club to achieve success is an attractive trait for football hipster fans (Portsmouth are just about hip, less so Leeds and Man City) but here is a list of  football clubs, that are likely to become and then be discarded by transient football hipsters in the next few years.

Borussia Mönchengladbach

Staying in Germany, the Bundesliga’s other Borussia outfit lay claim to several of the conditions needed to be football hipster material: a young squad, a cult hero in Juan Arango, a feeling of injustice (after Dortmund exploited a release clause to take Marco Reus back) and with a nickname of Die Fohlen, they will always have their indie fans. Lucien Favre has assembled a precocious set of players; Granit Xhaka, Luuk de Jong and Barcelona target, Marc-André ter Stegen, who all look set for a fantastic future. After finishing fourth last year, Gladbach have had a fairly tepid 2012-13, ensuring hipsters can continue to back them.

Getafe

Atletico Madrid often get a raw deal as Madrid’s second club, but few fans in England will even realise Getafe are based just outside of Madrid. Michael Laudrup continued his Spanish odyssey at Getafe for a solitary season, reaching the Copa del Rey final after thumping Barcelona 4-0 en route and only being beaten by Bayern Munich in the UEFA Cup in 2008. Michael Laudrup, being oppressed by illustrious rivals and previously being sponsored by Burger King make Getafe hipster cat-nip.

Rayo Vallecano

Rayo were briefly thrust into the mainstream focus last summer after Michu introduced himself to the Premier league with a debut brace and people remembered he cost just £2 million. Thankfully this season the club have drifted back into the left-field, although that might change as clubs fight it out for this year’s top-scorer, Piti, who has 15 goals from midfield. Vallecano are another Madrid based club but unlike Real, who had strong ties with Franco’s governance, have a proud anarchist supporter group.

Fiorentina

Rather than going for lowly and leftie Livorno, Fiorentina are clearly the hipster team of choice for students of calcio. Going bankrupt in 2002, some 33 years after their last Serie A title, the club began their re-ascent with captain, Angelo Di Livio, who chose to stay with the fledgling club. Fiorentina have won a remarkable six Coppa Italia’s and current Italy boss, Cesare Prandelli cut his teeth at the Viola. Politics are important in football hipster affiliation, but any club who wears bright purple and boasts Gabriel Batistuta as a former player is impossible to resist.

Malmo

Fashion matters to football hipsters. Being able to pull-off a vintage jersey of your hipster team of choice is an important consideration. So if you’re going to go for one of Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s former teams, Malmo are the least mainstream offering. Zlatan played for Malmo for two years, wearing the below shirt as they were relegated, before firing them back up in his second year at the club. Ajax, Roma and Arsenal came sniffing that summer, with the egotistical machine moving to the Arena. Ajax director, Leo Beenhakker, got the deal done for €8 million and famously remarked: “Give me 11 arseholes like him and we’ll be champions.”

Michu value

Miguel Pérez Cuesta, known to the Premier League as Michu, coolly took his tally to thirteen goals for the season this weekend and the Spaniard is fast becoming the signing of the season.

The £2 million summer signing for Swansea City is only four gaols shy of matching his remarkable tally from last season, hitting seventeen goals for relegation threatened Rayo Vallecano, which made him the top scoring Spanish midfielder in La Liga in 2012.

2011/2012 was Michu’s only experience of the top flight in Spanish football, but his goal-scoring exploits for Swansea have banished any fears that last year was a flash in the pan. Aged 26, his chance in the premier divisions has come relatively late, and despite scoring seventeen last season he only hit double figures on one other occasion, in a nine year spell in and around Spain’s second tier.

Players who make their breakthrough late are often more appreciative of where they have come from and Michu’s languidness and composure around the pitch are indicative of a man who has a great understanding of the game.

His brace against Arsenal was a lesson in finishing and composure. The first was a beautifully shaped left foot finish, before seeming to take too long when played in but the Asturias native was the coolest man in the pitch as Arsenal players came back at him, only to roll it past a flailing Wojciech Szczęsny.

If many Arsenal fans were still in the Emirates to observe Michu’s second celebration they would have noticed the 26-year-old drop to his knees and performing a dual rendition of his trademark ear flick. Penned to silence Granada fans who booed Michu after missing a penalty in 2010, Michu responded with a penalty of his own for Vallecano in 2011 and was ready with his riposte.

Michu seems to glide around the football pitch, much like Dimitar Berbatov, never seemingly in full sprint, but incredibly efficient with his movement and seemingly in the right position to finish of Swansea attacks.

Signed as a replacement for Gylfi Sigurdsson, Mich started the season playing just behind Danny Graham, though over the course of the season Swansea’s number 9 has been deployed as the forward, responding with a remarkable return of goals.

That Michu has no caps for Spain will come as a surprise to casual observers in England. These are likely to be the same observers who took no interest in Miguel Pérez Cuesta when he was touted round Europe over the summer.

Rayo Vallecano was financially destitute and needed to cash in on their best player over the summer. Michu was rumoured to have been offered to every club in the Premier League club for a fee of £2 million and after a return of thirteen goals in sixteen matches, Swansea will be fending off Champions League clubs in the January transfer window.

Managers are quick to bemoan that there is a lack of value in the transfer market, especially on English players. The fees spent on Andy Carroll, Adam Johnson, Jordan Henderson and company are enough to make managers think twice before signing any player, but Michu proves that the financial clout of the English game dominates all but the big two in Spain.

The television revenues that the English Premier League accrue allow English sides to pay wages that are far better than La Liga sides. A side like Stoke are financially flush compared to Serie A and La Liga and the depressing truth for football purists, is that they could buy the best player from a Valencia or Fiorentina.

Michu was far from a gamble, anyone with an internet connection could tell you that there is a better than good chance that the top-scoring midfielder in the world’s then second best league, would do well in the Premier League.*

Interest is inevitable after his start to the season, but Michu declared he is happy at Swansea for the foreseeable future, and being the focal point of a Michael Laudrup side is an enjoyable role.

Michu is also a man of principle. He turned down a move to Sporting Gijon, then in the Primera Division, because he is a boyhood Real Oviedo fan and the two clubs are fierce rivals from Northern Spain. Swansea will struggle to keep hold of Michu for much longer, but he is not the kind of player to force through a move.

At £2 million the Spaniard is undoubtedly the signing of this season and is proof that there is value in an age of financial doping in football.  

(Would just like to point out I had Michu in my Fantasy Football team from week one. I should be a manager.)